My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
