So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
