i don't like sucking hair
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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