but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
