Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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