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We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
