My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
