just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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