Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i believe in u and ur pee
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
