I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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