I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
