if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
