She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
