i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
