I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize