Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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