I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
