chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My vagina is officially offended.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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