I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
