i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've blown a few things in my day
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
