Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
