shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
