I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
