sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
