I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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