The best revenge is premature balding
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Randomize
