I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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