Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
