i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
