we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
