So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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