Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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