I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
