It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize