Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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