Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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