Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
