my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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