Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize