A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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