this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your penis caused this!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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