You can't special order awesome
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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