Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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