The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
