Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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