I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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