How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
