my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize