Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
