She's JV to your varsity
I skipped work to stalk him.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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