just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
