Porn is love you can see.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she peed on how many people?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
