Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
