If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
