Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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