It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
