Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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