The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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