Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
