dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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