Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
