Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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