She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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