She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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