I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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