Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
