3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
