i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I will pee on everything he values.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
