The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
