good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
