I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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